I don't know what to do anymore.. I'm going to go insane if you keep this up. I guess you always we're good at making me mad. Right now, you're the only thought running through my head. It's strange because you always do this to me, then you laugh about it. it's like i'm addicted to you and going through a fucking withdrawl period. I can't focus straight.. My body is heavy, my head hurts and I'm staring at my phone praying to see those stavry 10 digits pop up.
You are the only person i feel that understands me. You are the only MAN i want to be with. I don't know what to do with myself when you go away and I know you're dating her but you tell me you only want to be with me. I believe you, and I don't even know why. I don't want to believe you. Just do. Like I was programmed to hang onto your every word. i don't want too, i didn't intend on shit working out this way. it just did. I'm so angry with myself. angry with everything i am. angry for believeing you and every fucked up lie that slithers out from between your hideous teeeth.
Something in me won't let this go. Someone please tell me what this emotion is and how I make it stop. I have banged my head off the walls for the past two years and I miss you. Two years and then you walk out on me? You told me , we were meant to be so why turn your back on me? It's so hard on my own. I can't even think straight. I know, it's not like you died but it's still difficult without you. The fact that you come back and talk to me everyday about her, and how amazing she is hurts. alot.. perphaps more than you could ever understand.
When I ask if it was worth it, I can tell you want to say something else but you just nodd and look away. I don't understand why you have to do these things to me, but you do. I have been crying over ou for the past month. Lost 2 relationships and have a group of friends who hate me for even speaking your name. I don't how what to do, or well, what to say. I just keep my head down and pretend it doesn't both me why'll they trash talk you.. I just need to swallow my pride and get this out of my head. You're my past, I need to move forward. :/
I have swallowed my pride for you, been cheated on, lied to and down talked by your friends. Why do I keep allowing myself to go through this? I'm not sure anymore. I'm at the bottom of the bottle, I can't go any lower. I feel useless. I need to let go, end of story. I just wish that it wasn't so hard to say goodbye.
I wake up at six oclock and as usual I check my phone... This morning I find those 11 digits that rip my heart out every time. Why did he have to call me? Now my mind is racing; and I don't know how to make it stop, or for that matter-if i want it to stop.
He called me twice today and both times I couldn't answer. I don't really care anymore. I'm not giving into your game friend. I will NOT be used as girlfriend number two. I'm not like your other girls. I'm stronger, smarter and I have a HELL of alot more attitude than you could ever think. Just because you have only ever delt with the sweet side of me doesn't mean there isn't more there. :)
I'm at the head of my game-no doubt. Besides, there is another guy that I think I am falling for. He's abit of a distance away but who knows, we could go somewhere with alittle bit of trust and some sweet smiles. :) wish me luck! i'm gunna try!
is anyone else falling the stock market crashes or am I the only one?
this has been driving me nuts. not that i have any involvement in the stock market, however I know that this will make life harder for the everyday people. people like me, and my family. people like my boyfriend and his family. yeah, this will be bad.
then i have my uncle who is telling me that by allowing more money into the ecomony everything will get better. Not the case. I see a 1930's turn about coming soon. I have heard talk of this launching us into another world war. I tell you, the way we live today will affect us forever. We're making our own bed and I hope that years rom now we look back and are ready to kick ourselves in the ass.
hate to break it to you people but mistake one; ELECTING OBAMA!
i hate to say it but it's true and I hope america will smarten up by november and not let this PRICK back into office. Another four years to run the economy into the ground?! I certainly hope not!
My boyfriend isn't going to vote. He doesn't want to anymore. He is legal to but refuses to. I can't say I blame him. It's a scarry thought. And there have been rumors that they are cutting soldiers pay?! what the hell? open your eyes america.. this is your wake up call! i know that no one may read this blog but i still feel the need to make my voice be heard and if by some strange chance someone does read this, thank you for listening.
It's been a long time since I posted, simply because I have had nothing to post about.
I have done nothing over summer break except turn a year older and fall in and out of love. Oh, I managed to get stalked, so over all it was a lovely summer. There is still a month left and in all honesty, I am dreaing it. I have gained nothing from this summer. It has been utterly miserable. I have sat infront of the computer screeen or out on the front lawn picking away at my guitar. I have taught myself to play three songs, which is decent I guess. Otherwise this summer has been a complete bummer and I just want it to end. I never thought that school would sound like such a good idea but now it's my last year. UGHHH ... what ever will I do to fill my time once it ends?
What the hell is wrong with me? inlove with a man who has a girlfriend..
I never intended on living my life this way but this guy has me sprung. Big time. Now, I can't get him off my mind. Granted he is my ex, you think after 2 months I would have been able to let go. He strolls back into my life like it's nothing and exspects me to be fine with that? No, not cool. Ugh.. I HAD a new boyfriend.. Until he came back. :/ Now, I can't go an hour without looking at my phone or looking at his facebook. I hate it. He has mind power over me almost. The worst part is, he's moving coser to me and wants me to move in with him. His new girl lives in Texas and to be quit frank.. I could care less about her feelings. The boy is mine. Does that make me sound like a bitch? I hope not but in reality, I just don't care.
The worst part is, about 3 nights ago he called me. Sober supirsingly and told me that he still loved me and he wished she was me. I kind of giggled at that. I didn't think he was capable of loving me anymore. After all, he told me about how bad I was to him when he left me. I just wish it was easier. I want to take him back but I wanna be the only girl in his life. I don't know what to do. He tells me I'ma be his wife one day. I don't know if I should fall for his shit anymore but he seems so real with it. He convinced me he's changed, but he's gotta prove it to me.
Ontop of that, my parents HATE this guy. I don't know what to do. He means the world to me, but I don't want to piss my parents off. I'm not ready to let this go yet, though. I'm 17 years old. I do have SOME right to make my own choices in my relationship but trying telling that to them. I don't know, maybe this will all play out and I will get my way.
I just want the drama over and I want my man back. My parents think he is the worst thing ever. My friends all hate him but me, I only see an amazing guy with a picture perfect personality who has made afew mistakes. i want this all to work. He's trying his best to better himself. I have to praise him for that. He is wonderful. He's going to school and working on living on his own. He promised me that when I finish school [this year] he was going to take me away. I keep that promise close to me. It's my motovation. Anyway, i'm gonna get going. write more whenever.<3
