Broken hearts and shaking heads.

I don't know what to do anymore.. I'm going to go insane if you keep this up. I guess you always we're good at making me mad. Right now, you're the only thought running through my head. It's strange because you always do this to me, then you laugh about it. it's like i'm addicted to you and going through a fucking withdrawl period. I can't focus straight.. My body is heavy, my head hurts and I'm staring at my phone praying to see those stavry 10 digits pop up.
   You are the only person i feel that understands me. You are the only MAN i want to be with. I don't know what to do with myself when you go away and I know you're dating her but you tell me you only want to be with me. I believe you, and I don't even know why. I don't want to believe you. Just do. Like I was programmed to hang onto your every word. i don't want too, i didn't intend on shit working out this way. it just did. I'm so angry with myself. angry with everything i am. angry for believeing you and every fucked up lie that slithers out from between your hideous teeeth.
   Something in me won't let this go. Someone please tell me what this emotion is and how I make it stop. I have banged my head off the walls for the past two years and I miss you. Two years and then you walk out on me? You told me , we were meant to be so why turn your back on me? It's so hard on my own. I can't even think straight. I know, it's not like you died but it's still difficult without you. The fact that you come back and talk to me everyday about her, and how amazing she is hurts. alot.. perphaps more than you could ever understand.
   When I ask if it was worth it, I can tell you want to say something else but you just nodd and look away. I don't understand why you have to do these things to me, but you do. I have been crying over ou for the past month. Lost 2 relationships and have a group of friends who hate me for even speaking your name. I don't how what to do, or well, what to say. I just keep my head down and pretend it doesn't both me why'll they trash talk you.. I just need to swallow my pride and get this out of my head. You're my past, I need to move forward. :/
I have swallowed my pride for you, been cheated on, lied to and down talked by your friends. Why do I keep allowing myself to go through this? I'm not sure anymore. I'm at the bottom of the bottle, I can't go any lower. I feel useless. I need to let go, end of story. I just wish that it wasn't so hard to say goodbye.